I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
