How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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