You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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