My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
