apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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