if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
