you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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