Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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