drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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