Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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