Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
