still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
