i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
