She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Vodka?
Forever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
