The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
