okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
