Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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