Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
