If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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