watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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