..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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