Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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