You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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