i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
