people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
