The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
