do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
