problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
