I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
