I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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