when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
