bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize