I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
