Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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