In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
