I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
