I wish I could teleport
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
