Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
