Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
