We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
