Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
