Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
