3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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