I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?