I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.