She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"