I'm fucking your sister right now.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?