I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10