Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm home, then i'll come over
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck