no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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