why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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