he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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