Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
