when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
