I cannot find my penis.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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