pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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