I want to make a zoo with you.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
