i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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