I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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