Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
