I think I won the penis lottery.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
