I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
