At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
