I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
