You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
